We are a very big extended family and so divided. When we were growing up, my father’s family was so united that we used to assemble at my grandparents’ home.

All the boys will be doing manly duties while us the ladies focused on ours which are, obviously cooking different meals and salads. Men cooked the cow and goat meat.

As we were growing, our parents started to realise a drift amongst them, which unfortunately became cancerous in the sense that the bad energy has been channelled to the young generation. So, the bad energy is kind of dominant now to an extent that we are strangers to one another and we can barely talk when we meet in the mall even though we bear the same blood, name and totem.

I find this very stupid and meaningless since it is also said that no man is an island. I have the desire to re-unify the family again.

Some have said negative things to others that have altered their emotional well-being and they seem not to get over such speech. How do I call for the oneness I seek for my family? How do I restore the love, trust and confidence on each other? Yours,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

It is so unfortunate how competitiveness amongst families have brought so many differences to children of a man and woman. I fully comprehend what you are saying and eight out of 10 families go through that. Family is our biggest asset and we just do not realise its worth. It is okay for siblings to fight, it is normal. There’s no family without differences but what makes our families more special is how we bounce back from such negative vibes.

That is, the ability to forgive and embrace each other’s character. Competition is so dangerous that it yields negative perception like witchcraft suspicions, which ultimately gets people to build walls around themselves to be inaccessible.

I suggest that your attitude should be different and positive to all of your family members. What you aspire to achieve must be reflective on your attitude and character. It is often said that when people treat you bad, do not reciprocate with the bad but rather do the good. They will eventually see no need to persist with bad behaviours. Start visiting them at their homes and chat openly to them. No family is perfect but we should not allow our parents’ conflicts to be inherited by the children. Children have a long way to life. If it is possible, kindly organise a come together session that will break ice and rebuild all broken bonds. Sometimes it is talking in person that clarifies matters and establishes strong bonds. All the best.

#ColoringSouls

Dear Coach,

There is a girl I love so dearly in my neighbourhood. She is so pretty and behaves in a classy way. She wears good make up and scent, always wearing trendy outfits. She uses a better phone than mine. Her ex boyfriend drove a nice luxurious car. I know that

I have nothing materially that could lure her to love and give us a chance to build a life together.

I know I have just completed my tertiary school and I do not have anything to my name at the moment but I am confident that we can accumulate all good things together. I am afraid to express myself to her because I can only imagine rejection looming in this instance. I love her so much and I am sure I can love her better and all that will give her a comfortable life is just a team work away. What should I do? I am so confused on what I should do so I break free from this emotional turmoil.

Yours,

Charles

Dear Charles,

Before there was anything else that could attract anyone, there was love. It has always been there and it will continue to prevail in future. Material things do not mean a thing because you can have them today and lack them tomorrow. Similarly, you can lack them today and have them tomorrow. They should not be a hindrance in pursuing that which we yearn for desperately.

Nor does history define one’s future. Someone might have dated a super star or a rich partner. That does not mean they are cut for people of such a calibre. Our emotions root deep from our souls, as long as the soul clothes with peace, happiness or joy, we deserve the person that yields that. Maybe, she is also longing for what you are bringing because nothing surpasses the feeling of love. Sometimes we judge the book by its cover yet the contents are easy and flowing.

The moment you start to think about what you lack, you shrink your self-esteem and self-confidence and this is what makes it difficult to be expressive. What about naming out what you can do if she gave you a chance to build a life with her? That is all she needs to comprehend and if she does, good for you. So Charlie, sell your vision and let it decide fate for you. #ColoringSouls

*Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail. com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices. (This is a repeat)

Start visiting

them at their homes and chat openly to

them