As November slowly but surely slides into oblivion and December rolls in on the wheels of inevitability, a feeling of foreboding almost sweeps through the entire populace. November is a precursor of all things exciting. The biggest thing about November is getting dividends from a Motshelo club. Officially this dividend is meant to buy Christmas food and clothing for kids. However, most if not a good part of it is reserved for the Christmas beverage at the village. It is sacrilege to go to the village and have no money to buy alcohol for the village folk. When all is said and done, we all get excited by December but the truth is you cannot have a great December if your November is in Pitsville. As long as the treasurer doesn’t come down with a severe case of death or get afflicted by a debilitating ‘disease’ that usually affects their speech, as long as the bag snatchers at the station don’t dispossess the treasurer of the yearly savings and as long as the treasurer’s house has no rat infestation, then we are all headed for a beautiful Christmas. Most treasurers are very sly and tricky customers verging on rogue even.

Apparently some treasurers have hit on a perfect plan to foil members request for their yearly earnings. Some have now resorted to buying pitbulls and then asking the club members to ‘come over and talk’. ‘Come over and talk’ will obviously not work with a snarling pitbull in attendance. I suppose at this point one would then decide that their life is more precious than a P4,000 payout that has been embezzled by the treasurer.

December is here. December always looks like a sunrise, extravagant and full of promise. In December we always wake up like our hair is on fire. December seems to activate all the crazy bones and nerves in one’s body.

In Botswana, William Mthethwa’s song that goes something like ‘I Wishu Wishu A Merry Christmas’ heralds the arrival of this much-revered, much-celebrated month. This song is religiously played on RB1 every day in every December of every year.

There has been an outcry to give local content more airplay but not in the case of this song. In December it has been played so many times that it now feels like it is local. And in Parliament you will never hear the MPs complaining about it. I think most MPs secretly love this song and are petrified to speak against it. So we will not be getting any legislation against it anytime soon.

There’s a downside to December though. Many of us are going to come back with bellies preceding us like a cowcatcher on a locomotive. Yes, our health and body goals will be seriously dented. Every year we see people working on their body goals but it only takes December – to be precise that darned 24th to 31st December period - to undo 11 months of hard work and hard social media posting. These days you cannot lose weight properly without frequent social media posting. There is a sense of menace about this period like the purr of a lion feasting on an impala. The upside is that an extension of the midriff might land you a few Santa Claus gigs. In an economy that is heavily challenged, anything to drop in the cash till is welcome. Those bank accounts and wallets are surely going to be marathoned to zero. Fast! December and Depleted Bank Balances, a new horror movie, is surely coming to cinemas near you. Surely this time of the year most of us could use the standard parent of the 70s. The let-me-hold-your-moneyfor-you parent who is now an endangered species in our shores mainly because the younger folk now has more rights including spending their money without a care in the world. That means returning to the work station might well turn out to be a bit of a sticky situation for those from far-flung areas.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)

Yes, our health and body goals

will be seriously

dented

Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQAaccredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail. com.