Ihave only one child, a boy I love so dearly. I separated with his father a few years ago and the entire predicament has somehow disturbed my son emotionally and even psychologically. When the divorce happened he was young and we kept on tossing him between places since we had shared custody for him. It was until his father got married to another woman when he started feeling out of place when he visited him since wife spoke negatively towards him all the time. He stopped going to his father’s house. I wasn’t financially stable at the time and couldn’t provide for him the ways we used to prior our divorce. He started indulging in intoxicants. I also started to speak negativity on his life and chasing him out of my house. He is so hooked on drugs and I don’t know what to do anymore to save him from the drugs doom. Please help us Coach.

Yours,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Parents are always the role models for their children. What our parents do, is what we eventually become and we are tamed according to how parents culture their upbringing. So, if things go south between parents, children can sense that and get devastated. It is unfortunate that, as parents we overlook these facts and just reduce them to not understanding matters.

“They are still young thus do not see nor comprehend what is going on”. Well, they have all five senses and the senses are actively working. It is therefore, imperative that we take them for counselling so that their esteem and confidence are groomed in a higher proportion.

The impact of our social mishaps might not reflect immediately on kids, but when they develop some maturity element, they start displaying the colours of such bleaches. Unfortunately, some start hiding or try to numb their pains with intoxicants, just like your son, while others generally become dysfunctional.

I would encourage you to engage with Non Profit Making organisations like BOSASNET so that they could assist your son with his addiction. I know it is a process that is perceived shameful and your community may scorn you. Please soldier on and pull your son from a pit of death. Kindly cease speaking negativity to your son and speak only positive affirmations so you rebuild his confidence back. Your love is sufficient to bring him back to life and if it means taking stiff measures, so be it.

#ColoringSouls

Dear Coach,

I am a young man of the mid 20s. My mother is married to a very toxic man, my step- father. The guy so terrible that the bile could be jealous of him. I do not know what I have done to him to endure such negative and demeaning treatment from him. He never appreciates the good I do. It is like he always searches for my flaws and use them against me as his weapon to destruct me. He calls me useless and compares me to my biological father saying that we are both dump. I have tried to speak to my mother about this and it seems like she is terrified of him since he is the breadwinner. He keeps on trying to push me away from my half- blood siblings but I love them so dearly. This entire situation has really broken me emotionally to an extend that I do not love nor care for myself as I used to. I at times wish I was dead because I wouldn’t be feeling this torturing and pain. How do I break loose from this pain?

Yours,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Afore and above all, I believe you owe yourself an apology to seek some sort of validation from external sources so that you feel good about yourself. Unfortunately, the world is so selfish that even when you deserve the validation, it would not pronounce it. You are your biggest cheer leader and no one can do it better than yourself. I know the pain of rejection and how excruciating it can be but it is ought to thicken our skin and propel us to our destinies.

We cannot change your stepfather’ insecurities but we can build a strong foundation of self- esteem, confidence and understanding. If we do it right, that is, discarding what people say about us rather than what we believe we are and be staunched on it. The whirlpool may come, but our roots will forever be bonded unto the soil. You need to start declaring all positive self- affirmations more often, or better- fit, write them down and recite them in front of the mirror. Speak to the man in the mirror until he adapt to the decrees. Keep on loving your half- siblings and the universe will reward you for your good heart. There is no one who can change you for that choice sits with you.

#ColoringSouls

Dear Coach,

I have a Baby- Mommy who is very cruel

to me and does not accord me an opportunity to be part of my daughter’s life. We broke up five months post the delivery of our child and I decided to take the child and raise her since her mother was schooling at the time. I raised the baby until her forth year then the mother took her and she is currently nine years old. I love my daughter so much and ever since, I have been religiously fending for her despite not her living with me but unfortunately, she does not take my calls nor reply my messages when I want to check on her. Her mother refuses to share the child and its been three years without seeing nor spending time with her. Apparently, her new boyfriend doesn’t want me to speak to her. I have tried to engage our parents, social workers and the district commissioner but all efforts failed. Please help me Coach.

Yours,

Anonymous

Unfortunately, the world is so selfish that even when you deserve the validation

Dear Anonymous,

I cherish your willingness and zeal to be part of your daughter’s life and it is so wrong for her mother to deprive you to be part of her life. My advise would be that you arrange to pay lobola for the child so that you gain much control and be part of the child’s upbringing. As long as you do that, all your problems will be phased out. There is absolutely nothing her boyfriend would do after you complete the lobola process. All the best my friend. #ColoringSouls

*Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@ gmail.com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.