There is a saying that goes ‘a dog is man’s best friend’. More often than not when we talk about friends we assume positive traits like love, care, looking out for each other and dues owed. For every positive there is a negative though – an oft ignored side. Some friends will stab you in the front – forget the back - and we tend to conveniently forget that. A pitbull is such a friend to man. You could be friends for quite a sustained period of time with this dog but one day it might decide it doesn’t like your face and turn on you. The viciousness of this dog is legendary. When you probe beneath the surface of the viciousness of these dogs, you often find even more viciousness, whole unexpected basement nightclubs of viciousness.

All self-respecting journalists including Social Media journalists must somewhat have an opinion in the debate to ban pitbulls. The genesis of the fight against pitbulls emanates from a Peacock. We all know that a proper peacock stands no chance in hell of winning a fight against a pitbull. Well, it was a different type of fight. A different type of Peacock. The fight was about banning pitbulls. The Peacock alluded to here is a former beauty queen who at one point was the fairest of them all in the land. She has started a campaign to ban pitbulls by asking citizens who don’t own pitbulls and those who are envious of pitbull owners to sign a petition. A petition is basically a collection of signatures that will, hopefully, convince the powers that be to do something about the issue at hand. The powers that be are usually indifferent and won’t do a thing about what you are agitating for. But we run on a high-octane optimist’s fuel so we keep rowing despite the tide being against us.

Obviously our folks in the village would present a more formidable task to the sponsors of the petition in that they are probably wondering whether a pitbull is a dog or a bull so they need to be workshopped on same for them to support the effort. Otherwise in the villages the campaign will collapse like the French in Algeria.

The media has served some gory pictures of this vicious dog mauling people, animals and idiots. So what the country needs is a manual of how to survive a pitbull. Something like Surviving A Pitbull: Advanced. A lot of us have tried different ways. The first instinct is to shout at it which is a weapon of choice for most of us. It doesn’t work. Then there is another useless technique of scalding it with hot water. It will not work. Then there’s beating it up with sticks and stones but this is not a typical sticks-and-stonesmay-break-my-bones species. That too won’t work. When that dog has its jaw locked on its victim it is unrelenting and it is basically curtains for the unfortunate. We need both Einsten and Newton to resurrect and come and formulate some theories around how to deal with pitbulls.

One of the best ways to develop one’s skills in any craft is to learn from the masters, as those that we regard as masters of the form studied the masters who came before them, and so on. So some masters of the art out there in the past week have come up with advice regarding how to rescue a person under a pitbull attack. It goes something like this. Lift the pitbull up by its hind legs. Blood will flow to its head and it will get confused and loosen its grip. This is where the advice ended. Which I think is nonsensical. Now we have a situation where the Superman is holding a confused pitbull by its hind legs. The question now is what then happens to Superman. Superman is now faced with a tricky and more dangerous situation. So who will rescue Superman? Does this mean that Superman will now be confined to suspending a pitbull on its hind legs for the rest of his life or what? There should be a law against such advice and it needs a PG label for all ages. This advice is as useless as a rubber beak on a woodpecker.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail. com)

Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com

The media has served some gory pictures of this vicious dog mauling

people