In the past we have talked extensively about male leadership in our homes and how absentee and/or abusive fathers have affected our society in general. We have also dealt with the issue of husbands who just love watching porn and how wives can help them deal with the problem. It has been all about men. So much for that!

This column now turns its attention on wives and the significant role they can play in the home. While male leadership is an essential role in any family, a man needs a supportive wife if they both are going to be effective parents. There are a few key qualities that a man looks for in a relationship with his wife: respect, cooperation, effective communication and romance. It is vital for a wife to respect her husband. She must respond to his love and honour him. This means she should look up to him and give him his rightful place in the home and recognize his leadership role. She can do this by regarding him in high esteem, avoiding harming him, treating him with consideration, refraining from offending him and helping him feel respectable in society. Men like to be of acceptable social standing. And a wife who loves her husband will be decent and proper in appearance and behaviour.

A wife must make her husband proud. When she behaves appropriately she enables his self-esteem to be raised and he walks tall among other men. A man does not appreciate being belittled in the presence of other men or as a result of his wife’s actions including acts committed in his absence.

Any behaviour to the contrary by a wife inevitably damages his ego resulting in him developing less self-confidence and resisting being seen in public places with his wife. Communication requires much understanding of the dynamics of language, through both the spoken word and body language. Men are usually the initiators of most aspects of a healthy marriage; and so women look up to them to initiate a conversation. While it is an established fact that women speak more words than men in a day, it is imperative for a husband to discuss things with his wife in a way that promotes a healthy mutual conversation that enriches their lives. Generally, a woman speaks up to 30,000 words per day while a man lets out up to 20,000 words. Mutual communication means that both husband and wife satisfy each other with meaningful conversations that add value to their relationship. By so doing they are eliminating the possibility of unnecessary arguments that can only help to ruin their relationship. A wife also needs to cooperate with her husband. Notice that this requires both husband and wife to make a concerted effort to work together and produce the best results for the health of their marriage. A man feels appreciated when his wife cooperates with him and supports his leadership. She plays a complementary role rather than depend on him to do everything or compete against him.

To cooperate is to act and work together and prove to be helpful to each other. A wife should offer romance to her husband. Don’t confuse romance with sex. I am leaning more towards romance rather than sexual intimacy because romance is sentimental or idealized love which stirs up action. It is concerned more with feeling and emotion. It involves touching, going out together, giving flowers, cards, gifts, etc. It doesn’t have to be about money.

NEXT WEEK: Making a wise choice of a marriage mate